I was taking a shower this morning, feeling on my luscious nipples, lathering them up with soap; thinking about all the fun I've been having over the past few weeks. With a huge smile on my face, I got to thinking... I've been in the sex industry for twelve whole freaking years!
I've done, webcamming, phone sex, sexy chat, and sexy text, all in a span of twelve years. Then I said to myself, "damn whore you should be rich by now, why aren't you?" So I got to thinking a bit more when I realized, I have not been consistent. It's a shame but true. I would dip into sex work, earn a few coins here and there, and then dip out. And then I thought why is that? I really could have had lots of money and be independently wealthy by now. I wouldn't be trapped in the work force busting my ass, working hard, running like a chicken with its head cut off; only to still be broke after all of my bills are paid, thinking ugh this basic ass "down the right path" life is so frustrating.
Let's dive a bit deeper into why I have not been consistent with this very interesting business shall we? I took a small trip down memory lane and I noticed how different things are now. Back then, when I first started sex work I was more shy, timid, worried about the unknown, and not wanting to fall into the traps of doing things I did not want to do. I was worried about what others would think, being judged by my peers, spouse, family members. I was worried about not being good enough and awkward. I was worried about not being a vibrant 20-something year old fresh meat. Like I had zero confidence, my one friend who actually did know about this venture, was the one who had to put the confidence battery in my back to get me going.
Back when I first started sex work, there were also no real limits. Clients could call me and create twisted fantasies and I obliged. Some calls were so disturbing I needed to take breaks, long breaks to collect my thoughts and get my emotional health in order. I remember thinking "Geez, this is very overwhelming! Why are they asking me to do this? Do they ask others to do this?" And then my personal life got in the way and I re-evaluated my role as a sex worker. I'd always say, "This is temporary, this isn't something I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm getting older and it just won't work." Sex work was a way for me to make a few extra dollars, some spending money. And it did the job for the time that I was active.
Fast forward to now, and life has really beaten me down. I suffered a huge loss of a very close family member, I'm working a job I absolutely hate, and my mental and emotional health is at risk of declining every time I get up in the morning, and begin my day. This straight laced life is not so different and if I may say, it feels worse than my days as a sex worker. What I used to think was an emotional roller coaster with sex work, is nothing compared to my actual day job and the emotional instability it brings me daily. These days I think, people judge sex workers and they think mental, psychological, and emotional abuse in the workforce is okay? Suddenly sex work wasn't seeming so bad after all. I thought, I can't keep working daily and still being broke, stuck in my thoughts and not feeling like I'm in some sort of control of my life. I gained weight and started to develop physical health issues. I had the Sext Panther app on my phone and I'd previously deleted it, because I had completed retired. I thought my confidence was at a zero back then, but now, it was in the minus factor. I got to thinking and I began to remember how lively I was with my sex work venture. I remember how it shaped me as a person and took me out of my comfort zone. It gave me the confidence I never thought I could have. Suddenly it dawned on me, that I went from being this confident burst of a bubbly butterfly, to a miserable old bitter hag, dwelling on my job, and my loss of my loved one. I was sinking into this dark depressing place.
Once I really started to think about my life and how shitty it actually is now, I said what a minute, I'm worried about others judging me while I do this, but they're already judging me everyday no matter what I do. Going the extra mile to satisfy others, is becoming overwhelming and shameful and they're still not satisfied. Others are putting me through the emotional ringer daily, not listening to me when I express my unhappiness, and they still aren't losing sleep, they in fact, just don't give a fuck. Others are literally beating and kicking me while I'm down, smiling at my pain. I'm broke, not in control and absolutely miserable for what? Because I don't want to be judged as a sex worker? Yikes! I looked in the mirror and said, no, this ends now. I need to advocate for myself starting yesterday!
The thought of getting back into sex work has encouraged me to start losing weight and exercising again. I updated all of my sex profiles, re-downloaded Sext Panther on my phone and start being active in this lovely unfiltered community again. This time, I don't have anything to lose or any pressing issues. This time, I'm not so worried about what others will think of me. This time, there are limits and the sex industry has shaped the way things are for everyone's safety and mental wellbeing. The sex industry has literally worked towards protecting others and ensuring we all simply have a place to escape and have a genuine good time. Can you imagine that? An industry that is so heavily frowned upon is the very same industry that is working diligently to protect everyone, specifically sex workers.
This time around, I get to have fun, be free, in a non-judgment zone, be admired, and have control of my life. In this industry I have the flexibility to log on, connect with others, enjoy my time, have some hot sexy fun and not think about my own personal struggles with life. In this industry with my time now, I have had the chance to begin my healing process and actually be a mature adult. I get to smile again. My worries of being "too old" left the building when clients reached out to me and talked about how sexy I am and how much they love me. I realized, it's not about my age, it's about how I make them feel and sharing my personality with them and they accept that. These days, I'm thinking, my sex work venture is way more fulfilling, and emotionally healthy for me, than my actual day job. These days, I want to be more consistent, I quickly log on every single day, every chance I get and I love it. These days, I have a growing desire to make sex work my full time gig.
With Sext Panther I'm able to juggle between gigs for now, by texting and sending sexy voice notes. ManyVids brings passive income with my old videos and used underwear for sale 😁. Niteflirt is there to build a fanbase, TalktoMe gives a bit of everything, and Extra Lunch Money gives me the opportunity to write sexy stories, upload sexy pics for sale, and create sexy voice notes where I can talk about how horny I am. Eventually I want to start taking phone and video calls again.
There is no competition, there's enough to go around for everyone. Every client has a different type of fantasy and taste in who they want to admire. I don't feel pressure. I absolutely love it now. Never in a million years, did I think sex work would be therapeutic, the gateway to my healing, my happiness, my growth in confidence, and my open smiles daily. I now go out in public and feel alive. I have decided that I want to do sex work for as long as I possibly can, I'm not giving this up. Sex work is apart of me, it's who I am. I enjoy it. I want to send a HUGE thank you, to my lovers. Without you, I would have already perished from having a broken heart.
While I have you here, check out my flyer... does it look okay?
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